The Twelve DaysPounds of Christmas

It's the day after Christmas. Whew. The holiday rush has gotten to me real bad, I almost thought I'd end up as replacement to The Christmas Grouch. A long list of must-buys, almost-daily parties, and the slow crawl of traffic everywhere can make one's energy just fly right out of the window.

Fortunately, the tiring holiday season is almost over. Just a few more get-togethers to go to, and I can welcome long hours of sleep again. Yey!

So, out of habit, I hop on my trusty weighing scale. I haven't gotten to check on my weight in quite a while.

The scale tipped at X pounds. Gasp! That's 12 pounds more than how I weighed prior to Christmas season.

As with any other life crisis, what followed was the feeling of DENIAL. I took the old weighing scale, stirred it, and shook it a few times. Finally, I tried to tweak the small knob here and there. The repetitious weight checking from way back must have taken its toll on the poor scale. I'm pretty sure it had gotten defective. Plus 12 pounds?? Nah.

I rummaged through my closet to get my digital weighing scale instead. Battery's still intact. Great! I hop on it, hoping to get the truth. "Huh? Plus 12 pounds?" The second emotional stage came in: ANGER. What the heck is going on? Why am I surrounded by such defective scales? I am returning this fairly new digital scale and getting myself a refund!

The next minute, I was BARGAINING. "Lord, how could this happen to me? Please make me 12 pounds lighter and back to my previous weight. I promise not to down another Conti's brownie again. I won't even touch leche flan, fruit salad, and pasta this New Year. I won't even stare at food, I promise!"

There was no response from the heavens. I then felt DEPRESSED. "Why can't I just be like them skinny model-type girls who can gorge on a plateful and still look like they haven't eaten in days? I hate it!" *insert uber sad face here*

But with all things that come in life, there is a need for ACCEPTANCE. I finally understood the whole weight-watching drama.

As I look back at how the 12 pounds had been added to my already-well-insulated physique, I began to thank God. I gained the extra weight, because I enjoyed feasting with friends and family this holiday season. I never held myself at every Christmas gathering. I ate, drank, and celebrated as my friends did. I temporarily held off my diet to be able to party without reservations. That's where the 12 pounds came from: quality time, bonding, fun.

I put back the digital scale inside the closet. I took the other one from the trash bin and placed where it used to be. There was nothing wrong with both. They told me the truth: I gained 12 pounds, but I had fun too.

Weight management is important, but for me, time spent with friends and family celebrating with good food this Christmas season is far more valuable. I can always go back to my diet and to the gym after the holidays anyway. Corny kaya mag-diet pag Pasko!

So, for now, I'm ditching the scales, and I'm off to my next post-Christmas party! Wohoo!



Photo credits: http://www.medicalscale1.com/tag/weight-scale/

I am Blessed

"It's difficult to walk backwards because our feet are meant to make us move forward.
Life is always better if we see what's ahead than look at what's left behind.
Forget bad past - bitterness, grudges, hatred, and pain. Move on. Forgive. Love. Smile. Pray."

I got this SMS from a sister in the community this morning, and I just couldn't help being amazed at how timely the message is.

Those who know everything that I am going through right now will agree that this message hits the spot. Many people nowadays have been telling me the same thing: Get rid of my bad past and move on. In their most loving way, they help me forgive myself, believe that everything happens for a reason, and get up from the slump that I am in. They help me realize that I am actually blessed, and indeed I am.

I am blessed to have an intact family that is not perfect but stands by me. I am blessed with love and support from friends who sincerely care for me and my future. I am blessed with talent to hone, work to improve, and personality to develop. I am blessed with great and unconditional love from my Father who will never abandon me at all costs. I am blessed.

With that, I am shattering my rearview mirror.

The Pink Clearbook and The White Carton Board

A pink clearbook with about 20 pages of colorful construction paper. Yeah, that was it.

My friend Laie has always brought that pink clearbook with her whenever we'd meet up for casual dinner and a movie; it was much like an extension of her. The unassuming obsession had always left me dumbfounded...until she handed it to me for a closer look.

In each page were pictures of a pretty supermodel, of a happy family, of a fabulous wedding gown, and of sunny Singapore. Every once in a while, as I scanned through each collage, I found glittery flowers, colorful butterflies, and cute thingamajigs, proof of her creative juices. In a few corners and in some edges abound cut-out letters from magazines that spell EXCELLENCE, BEAUTY, SUCCESS, and HAPPINESS.

After going through the last page, I realized that it was true; it was indeed an extension of her. The pink clearbook was her: the future her.

I then told myself that I wanted something like that. I wanted a dream book. I wanted to have dreams and to put them in writing and in pictures. I wanted to visualize my future as if it was already right before my eyes. I felt excited. Excited about the possibilities. Excited about the journey to reaching those dreams. Excited about the happy life ahead.

For sometime now, I have been pulled down by recurring bouts of nothingness. One dreary morning, I asked myself, "What am I waking up for?" I'd often think I'm a zombie, just waking up day in and day out, waiting for nothing specific to happen and just going with the dull flow of my life. Seems just melodramatic chit chat, huh? But it is actually true. I thought I've already gone past what they call quarter-life crisis, but I guess there is no certain end mark to a period of not knowing your goals and your dreams. Even if you already have dreams and have attained some of them, there will always come a time when you'll reach a plateau and want new, better, or way different dreams and wishes.

When I got home from that I-need-a-dream-book day, I told God to please reveal to me my biggest dreams, to give me more than pictures and cut-outs but the actual desire and the courage to work for and fulfill those dreams. I asked God to affirm to me that I really needed to have dreams to hold on to, so I could wake up from zombie mode.

So imagine my surprise when, last Sunday, at the Feast Alabang*, together with more than a thousand attendees, I was handed a dream board. Yeah, it was far different from the dream book I wanted to have, but the two were basically the same: both were visual reminders of fulfilled wishes. The dream board I got was like God telling me, "My dear Osy, stop being a zombie. Here, doodle, write, picture your biggest wishes and dreams here." It was the affirmation I was asking for.

Now, I am no longer a zombie. I already have dreams and wishes. I have yet to finish up with my dream board though, but I have rummaged through the dusty stack of old magazines at home, trying to find the most accurate representation of that dream Tagaytay weekend home, that job I wish to have, that book I want to write, and that future husband and kids I'll be taking care of. Those are just a few of the dozen wishes that God has recently revealed to me, revealed through my past hurts and wounds, and I am excited to work on them. I know my wishes and dreams will entail a lot of work and a mighty long journey. The road won't be easy, but I'm sure my Big God of all dreams and wishes won't fail to encourage and equip me. Thank you my Big God!

*FEAST ALABANG is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am, 1:30pm, and 4pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

To the Best First Friend Ever

me and mazel

Seldom do I (seriously) thank her for everything that she has done for me. She has always been there to lend a hand, to comfort, to give advice, and to correct. She has always been the constant chatmate and email-mate when I get super bored at work. She has always been the logic when I am extremely emotional, remaining objective and above the situation. She was the first friend I had in college and will probably be the last one standing when I die. She never fails to listen, never judges out of context, and never grows tired of being a friend.

Today, on her nth birthday, I honor her for her generosity with her time and resources; for her love for her family, friends, and future-husband Conrad; for her very very deep vessel of patience (especially with me! LOL); and for her unfailing faith in God.

I pray for all her heart's desires to come true. I pray for even better relationships, good health, and more answered prayers. I pray that everything that heaven can provide be upon her.

Thanks Pare for 11 years of enduring my being spoiled (pero hindi brat ha! LOL), leading the Kai Kada (este Bitter Girls na pala), and just being there. Thanks for being the best first friend ever! Happy birthday Mazel!