Pass or Fail

"Pagsubok lang 'to. (This is just a test.)"

This is one line most of us say when life throws lemons at us. If a family member suddenly falls ill, we see it as a test of our faith. If a prayer has not been answered for the longest time, we see it as a test of patience. If a difficult person is constantly present in our everyday lives, we see it as a test of endurance, endurance to keep our hands by our side rather than strangling him. :)

But think about it, why does God have to test us when He knows fully well what we are capable of? Isn't He our Creator? Then, why does He need any validation of how strong we are or how patient we can be?

I'd like to think that every difficult situation we face in life is not a test we desperately need to pass. There is no A's or F's, no pass or fail. Why? Because getting a grade of 75 or even a 100 doesn't, at the least bit, account for our worth. Our worth has already been stamped on us the moment we were brought into this life. In our veins run the blood of a genius, a champion, a child of God.

If life isn't a test and there is no need to prove our worth to a God who loves us unconditionally, then why do we think that way? Rather than saying, "Pagsubok lang to," I'd choose to say, "Paghubog lang 'to. (I am being molded.)"

In every painful moment, we are being molded by God into a better version of our already-capable selves. Life's lemons are not a pass-or-fail, do-or-die, "am-I-going-to-get-out-of-this-alive" kind of thing. Choose to look at each heartbreak as an opportunity for growth, and you'll see that all fear and desperation are gone. Soon, you'll begin to notice some sense of positivity and expectant faith in you.

So, if life is bringing you down, remember that you are not being tested; rather you are being molded into the best person you can ever be.

Photo source: http://50lessonslearned.nichetraining.co.za/tag/exam/

What are you ASKing for this Lent?

So for the nth time you’re heading for the beach for your Lenten vacation—to get away from it all. After all, it’s the only time of the year when you get to enjoy almost five straight workless days with summer in full throttle.

It’s time to relax and recharge, you think to yourself. But give it a day or so after, and you’re back to your old self again. Why is that? Perhaps, successive days under the sun aren’t really what you need...

Click HERE for more information.

Word of the Day: FAITH

It is easy to show faith when a crowd is in front of you, but how is your faith when nobody is looking?

It is easy to practice faith when everything is going well, but how is your faith when everything has been taken away from you?

It is easy to have faith when you see a glimpse of light in the horizon, but how is your faith, when everywhere you turn, all you see is darkness?

Faith is never defined by raised hands and loud singing, neither by extravagant service nor eloquent prayers.

Faith is in abandoning the comfortable and the familiar for a greater calling. It is in the readiness to face adversity, knowing that your Father will never abandon you. It is in relinquishing control of your life and believing in the God that holds your future.

Faith is never external, never measurable, never seen by the naked eye. Faith is between you and your God.

So, how is your faith?

Concise

Had a fruitful interview for K mag last night.

Each line she threw is a validation of everything I felt before. Every question she has now is the very one I tried to find answers for then. All her realizations are the same wisdom God continues to teach me now.

It's funny that, in trying to learn more about another person, I know more about myself.

My Christmas Wish List: Updated!

01.11.12: Updating this! I received as gifts a few of those listed here. Thanks to friends and family who love me so dearly [and whose arms are so easy to twist!haha!]. As said, "Ask, and you shall receive!" :)

To friends and family who gave me Christmas gifts, THANK YOU. By gifts, I mean both the tangible and the intangible kind. For every gift I opened, for every time you spent with me, and for every Christmas memory we shared, thank you!

 ----
Christmas REALLY is just around the corner. For the past few days, I've been victim to horrible traffic, specifically in areas near shopping malls. People seem to be in the rush to buy gifts and run errands for Christmas. You'll never guess the economy is that bad.

Every Christmas, most of us, albeit the meager salary, humongous tax, and invisible bonuses, still find a way to give. May the gift be worth 10 pesos or a thousand bucks, we never fail to remember the goodness of family, friends, and godchildren, and try to reciprocate that by the simple act of giving.

So, for people who plan to give, give me a gift, that is, here is my Twelve Days of Christmas Wish List. I want to spare you from having to think of what to buy for me. haha!

To friends, this is one GIANT PARINIG. :)

1. Starbucks Ceramic Coffee-To-Go Cup. Fits perfectly in my car cup holder.



2. Digital alarm clock. I'm always late!



3. Samsung Galaxy S II. Cheap version of the iPhone.



4. Converse Low-Cut Originals in Black. My blue one is begging to be replaced.



5. Twinings Herbal Infusion Peppermint 25-pc pack. Helps in digestion (no further explanation needed).



6. Plastic floor mat for Vios. Makes cleaning the car (not that I do the cleaning. haha!) easier. This one will make my Tatay happy. :) Thanks to Nanay and Tatay for giving me this! I got the gray kind. Haven't taken a picture though..




7. Universal car charger. Lagi ako nalolowbat! Asked for this in our BG Christmas/Year-end Get-Together. Thanks Veena! Wow, only now did I realize super sakto pala sa picture what you got for me. haha!




8. Nikkor AF-S 50mm 1.8G. Low-light shots wanted!





9. Webhosting + domain. Wanting to have my place in the Internet.


10. Paddle brush. Makes long hair shine more (daw!). This one, I didn't expect to get. I was pleasantly surprised to be gifted by my old friend Je (whom I haven't seen for a while). Failed to see her personally though. Sorry, Je. Let's resked! :)


11. 16GB SDHC memory card. To store more pics!



12. Lastly, (sige na nga..) PEACE ON EARTH!

There goes everything I want to get this Christmas. Of course, I doubt anyone will even seriously consider giving me any of those mentioned. haha!

So, what is the point of listing them down? Well, nothing really. I just realized that most of the time, we do not know what we want in life, where we want to go, what we wish to achieve. We wander through life aimlessly: no direction, no goal. Lacking the knowledge of what will make us happy accounts for lack of passion and drive to go on.

When you aspire something, when you have a dream, you make it easier for God to bless you. He doesn't have to guess which blessings to shower on you when you already know what to ask for. Not that God is ever dumbfounded by anything, but if we know our heart's desires, we actually glorify Him who created us. Because, in knowing, we aspire. In aspiring, we strive. In striving, we reach our maximum potential; we live a full life. As St. Irenaeus said, "The Glory of God is a man fully alive."

So, strive to know your heart's desire, aspire to achieve your biggest dreams, and don't hesitate to ask from God. He will never deny His child.

By the way, my shoe size is 8. (Kung makakalusot lang naman!)

A Lola of Great Faith

“Tama na yang TV, magdasal na tayo.”

Nobody moves.

“Magdasal na tayo.”

Still, nobody moves. Eyes fixed on the tube. Ears as if plugged with giant cotton balls.

“Magdasal na tayo. Hindi natin dapat nakakalimutan ang Diyos.”

Much as I want to go on with the pretend-I-didn’t-hear-anything drama, I get up from my seat and turn off the TV, to the dismay of my cousins. Being the eldest in the bunch, I herd my cousins in front of the altar, where Inang had already been waiting for us.

This was how everyday family prayer would start when I was a kid. It was a struggle. Like gulping a spoonful of Tempra when you’re down with fever, you just want it over and done with.

But Inang seemed oblivious to the groans and sighs of her grandchildren come prayer time. She would ignore the dragging feet and the lousy answers to “Hail Mary” and would remind us that God is more important than TV. She wants us to value prayer and to always follow Jesus’ example in everything we do.

For that, I loved and respected Inang–for her faith, her wisdom, and her great love for family. But a greater testament of her faith was revealed in that day after my Tita Lyn was laid to rest.

It was mid-day. The whole family–Inang, my parents, aunts, and uncles–was gathered over lunch. We were talking about Tita Lyn’s death. We lost her when she was run over by a speeding bus. Pure hatred was the only thing we felt for the driver, and we were ready to avenge her murder.

Silent in the midst of the very emotional discussion, Inang suddenly uttered, “Hindi ko pa man sya nakikita, pinapatawad ko na ang drayber na ‘yon.” All eyes were now on her.

I thought, “How could you say that? Didn't he just kill your daughter? Didn't he just run over her several times, ignoring her loud cries for help? Didn't he just rationalize what he did? Why are you being like this? Isn't she important to you?” He had no remorse. He never asked for forgiveness. For that, I will never forget his face. His menacingly proud face will forever be etched in my heart.

As if she had read all the thoughts in my head, Inang burst into tears, "Ipinahiram lang ng Diyos sa akin si Lyn para alagaan ko at mahalin bilang anak, pero sa Kanya naman talaga sya. Kaya pinapatawad ko na yung drayber, dahil parati rin naming tayong pinapatawad ng Diyos."

That left me silent. I felt my eyes start to well up. She was right. Tita Lyn was, first and foremost, God's daughter; He must have already needed her up there. And true. If the God who made all heaven and earth could forgive sinners like us, how could we not pass on the forgiveness to others? Inang felt the pain of the loss, but she saw the bigger picture.

After that memorable day, I loved Inang even more and grew more respect for her. She is more than a daily Mass-goer, more than a prayerful lola, more than a forgiving mother. She is a true servant of God. And I pray to be like her, to be of great faith.

Me and Inang, my lola of great faith

Decisions. Decisions.

"Obey the Lord not out of fear but out of love."

When I was a kid, I hated going to mass. Waking up at 7 in the morning on a Sunday wasn't really my cup of tea. Who would like to pull away from snuggle pillows, get up from a comfy bed, and take a shower that early? I don't know about you, but I definitely wouldn't.

But being the only minor in the family, I always obliged. That or I endure continuous poking from my dad to wake up. "Mainit na bato sa kalsada," he'd loudly say, you'd think he had a megaphone in hand.

As a teenager, my going to mass wasn't as wholehearted still. I remember being eager to complete the nine dawn masses during Christmas season just because I had a crush on one of the altar boys. Very good motivation, right?

Now, on my twenties, I voluntarily go to mass. Not because my parents told me so. Not because I like one of the altar boys (at my age, isn't that already child abuse? haha). But because I love God and I decided to grow in faith and love with Him.

As single adults, we are at the stage where we can do absolutely anything. We choose our paths. We design our lives. We make our own decisions. Yes, there may be people who give directives on how to run our lives, but each decision still lies with us.

Last Sunday, I saw more than 40 single men and women who decided to respond to God's call. Though only a simple gathering and meet-up session, the Singles' Huddle was an initial step toward realizing a single life anchored on God. On the next Huddle, I hope to see more single people making the same decision.

You are no longer a kid. Not a teenager either. You are a single adult with a decision to make, not out of fear but out of love for your God.

So, what's your decision?

Just School Stuff

She opened the candy-colored paper bag and brought out the fillings one by one. Out went a box of crayons, a sheet of stickers, and a notebook, to which she immediately said "Ah, I'll use this as scratch paper instead." Then, there were a mini notepad, a bookmark, a few colored pencils, a pencil case, and a small stuff toy.

After littering the bed with everything the tiny paper bag used to hold, she turned to me, "Ate Osy, you should give me more of these. Just school stuff. Like the dozen of pens, crayons, and colored markers you gave me last Christmas. Don't give me toys. I've grown tired of them anyway."

I thought she won't appreciate the birthday gift I had for her. But as I see her leave the room, paper bag in an embrace, I knew I was wrong. She loved the gift, however simple it was, and she knew she wanted it.

My 8-year-old cousin Maraj knew what she wanted: Just school stuff, Ate Osy. Whereas, there I was, not knowing what I wanted for myself.

For the past weeks, I've been haunted by a thought that has grown consistently since that day I met the Idol. Did I make a wrong decision? Did I just let go of my biggest dream? Did I really ditch the job I've always wanted?

I was offered an editorial job in the magazine I so wanted to be a part of since I joined the community. But I refused. Why? Because of proximity, the possible financial decline, and the lifestyle change. I could think of a million other reasons to justify my weird decision, but lately, it has just boiled down to one: comfort zone, and how I don't want to get out of it.

I wanted the job, but I feared my lack of expertise. I wanted the working environment, but I feared the unfamiliarity. I wanted the fulfillment of the dream, but I feared the changes it will bring.

Fear got in the way. Fear overcame the dream.

God, is there any other way to remedy this? Did I really make a wrong choice?

I am Blessed

"It's difficult to walk backwards because our feet are meant to make us move forward.
Life is always better if we see what's ahead than look at what's left behind.
Forget bad past - bitterness, grudges, hatred, and pain. Move on. Forgive. Love. Smile. Pray."

I got this SMS from a sister in the community this morning, and I just couldn't help being amazed at how timely the message is.

Those who know everything that I am going through right now will agree that this message hits the spot. Many people nowadays have been telling me the same thing: Get rid of my bad past and move on. In their most loving way, they help me forgive myself, believe that everything happens for a reason, and get up from the slump that I am in. They help me realize that I am actually blessed, and indeed I am.

I am blessed to have an intact family that is not perfect but stands by me. I am blessed with love and support from friends who sincerely care for me and my future. I am blessed with talent to hone, work to improve, and personality to develop. I am blessed with great and unconditional love from my Father who will never abandon me at all costs. I am blessed.

With that, I am shattering my rearview mirror.

The Perfect Setting

Last night was the community mass for the late Feast Alabang music minister Tita Minda. Along with other Feast Alabang servants, I rode a van en route to the far away land that is Quezon City, to honor one of God's faithful servants.

I was the last one to get on the already packed vehicle. After saying a few hi's and hello's, I hurriedly took the lone unfilled space beside a little girl and then braced myself for a long and unmemorable ride. Or so I thought. I didn't know that from this little girl, from such a small package, would come a great realization that I aptly needed.

Sitting beside the little girl was her mom. Without intention, I overheard their conversation. (The van was that packed.)

The mom said, "Start working on your assignment, so that, when we get there, you're all done." To which the little girl answered, "Ok, Mom." She then began opening her stuffed backpack.

After a few minutes, the little girl was still searching through what seemed like a bottomless pit of books, notebooks, pens, and school stuff, to the dismay of her mom, who was already waiting for her to begin.

"Aha! Found it!" The little girl has apparently found what she was looking for. Must be a gold coin or something, I thought.

"There it is." I saw in her hands a dark-colored rosary. "Now I can work. I have Jesus na." The rosary was the missing gold coin.

And then I realized just how great that statement was. The little girl, just about 8 or 9 years old, could not start doing her assignment without Jesus. It was absolute dependence. It was the great need for Jesus. It was the belief that she could not do or begin anything without having Him first.

Right at that moment, I realized that I have lost such dependence. Through all the things that I have been busy with recently and all the tasks that I had to finish, I have somehow relied only on my own strength. I have been too preoccupied with clearing my to-do list that I have forgotten the real source of my capabilities. I have failed to acknowledge Jesus' presence and His work in my hands. I have grown utterly self-dependent.

With that, I said a silent prayer of surrender. I asked Jesus to be the right hand for when I am writing, the fingers for when I am typing, the mind for when I am working, the body for when I get going. Without  Him I cannot do absolutely anything.

As the van neared our destination, I thanked God for letting me be where I was: a lone seat in a packed van beside a little girl with great faith. The setting was perfect.

(Photo source: http://stwenceslaus-scappoose.com/)

The Pink Clearbook and The White Carton Board

A pink clearbook with about 20 pages of colorful construction paper. Yeah, that was it.

My friend Laie has always brought that pink clearbook with her whenever we'd meet up for casual dinner and a movie; it was much like an extension of her. The unassuming obsession had always left me dumbfounded...until she handed it to me for a closer look.

In each page were pictures of a pretty supermodel, of a happy family, of a fabulous wedding gown, and of sunny Singapore. Every once in a while, as I scanned through each collage, I found glittery flowers, colorful butterflies, and cute thingamajigs, proof of her creative juices. In a few corners and in some edges abound cut-out letters from magazines that spell EXCELLENCE, BEAUTY, SUCCESS, and HAPPINESS.

After going through the last page, I realized that it was true; it was indeed an extension of her. The pink clearbook was her: the future her.

I then told myself that I wanted something like that. I wanted a dream book. I wanted to have dreams and to put them in writing and in pictures. I wanted to visualize my future as if it was already right before my eyes. I felt excited. Excited about the possibilities. Excited about the journey to reaching those dreams. Excited about the happy life ahead.

For sometime now, I have been pulled down by recurring bouts of nothingness. One dreary morning, I asked myself, "What am I waking up for?" I'd often think I'm a zombie, just waking up day in and day out, waiting for nothing specific to happen and just going with the dull flow of my life. Seems just melodramatic chit chat, huh? But it is actually true. I thought I've already gone past what they call quarter-life crisis, but I guess there is no certain end mark to a period of not knowing your goals and your dreams. Even if you already have dreams and have attained some of them, there will always come a time when you'll reach a plateau and want new, better, or way different dreams and wishes.

When I got home from that I-need-a-dream-book day, I told God to please reveal to me my biggest dreams, to give me more than pictures and cut-outs but the actual desire and the courage to work for and fulfill those dreams. I asked God to affirm to me that I really needed to have dreams to hold on to, so I could wake up from zombie mode.

So imagine my surprise when, last Sunday, at the Feast Alabang*, together with more than a thousand attendees, I was handed a dream board. Yeah, it was far different from the dream book I wanted to have, but the two were basically the same: both were visual reminders of fulfilled wishes. The dream board I got was like God telling me, "My dear Osy, stop being a zombie. Here, doodle, write, picture your biggest wishes and dreams here." It was the affirmation I was asking for.

Now, I am no longer a zombie. I already have dreams and wishes. I have yet to finish up with my dream board though, but I have rummaged through the dusty stack of old magazines at home, trying to find the most accurate representation of that dream Tagaytay weekend home, that job I wish to have, that book I want to write, and that future husband and kids I'll be taking care of. Those are just a few of the dozen wishes that God has recently revealed to me, revealed through my past hurts and wounds, and I am excited to work on them. I know my wishes and dreams will entail a lot of work and a mighty long journey. The road won't be easy, but I'm sure my Big God of all dreams and wishes won't fail to encourage and equip me. Thank you my Big God!

*FEAST ALABANG is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am, 1:30pm, and 4pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

The Heart That Worships

Last Saturday, I joined the Feast Alabang* Music Ministry in attending a worship concert of Citipointe Live. How often does one get to worship God with more than a thousand other people? Not often right? So when the opportunity came along, I knew I just had to grab it. (The fact that the tickets are free furthered defined the conviction. LOL)

my free ticket!

I came in late but was just in time for the main act. The stadium was already filled to the brim. In attendance were mostly teenagers and young professionals, which was perfectly understandable because it was a Christian rock band performing. I personally don't know most of their songs, but I still sang along and sang at the top of my lungs at that. I lifted my hands as high as my chubby arms could take. I did several attempts to jump, hoping to be in sync with the upbeat music, but I guess defying gravity (even for a second) is not my best talent. I shouted words of praise ever so loudly I could sense the eardrums of the girl next to me shattering to bits. All these I did in praise for the God who loves me unconditionally, unmindful of the people around me. Why? Because they did not matter.

Coming to the concert, I brought with me a life that has not been a fairytale, where everything is perfect. I've had emotional highs and lows, and endured heartbreaks and failed expectations. I've undergone bouts of impatience and doubt while waiting for some of my prayers to be answered and most of my dreams to come true. But still, I, together with more than a thousand other people, chose to worship and be thankful. Why? Because all of these did not matter.

ULTRA was filled to the brim.

When you sing praise, nothing else matters but the One you ever try to worship as He truly deserves. Never mind the irritated stares, possible ridicule, or labels of "weird" or "crazy". Forget the hardships and remember all the blessings. Focus on the God you sing and dance (and even jump) for, and know that He is pleased with you and is blessing you as you worship. He looks beyond the missed tune, the wrong lyrics, or the croaking voice, for all He sees is the heart that worships, the same heart that may be broken but still chooses to give Him praise and thanks.

*Bro. Arun talked about the importance of praise and worship last Sunday at the FEAST ALABANG. FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am, 1:30pm, and 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

My Father's Love Letter to Me

I have been listening to a lot of worship songs for the past few weeks. These are the songs I have accumulated while serving with the Music Ministry of Feast Alabang*. My life has been topsy-turvy recently that I just find solace in songs of praise, and I have made most of them my personal prayer.

Yesterday, while listening to my set of mp3s, I stumbled upon an entry in my playlist that I didn't even knew I had. It isn't a song. It's not an audio book either (coz I have a few). It's a love letter. I first heard it and saw the corresponding video at the afternoon session of Feast Alabang*, and I remember shedding buckets of tears after seeing it.

Upon hearing it yesterday, my tear glands, once again, went on overdrive. I was reminded that I have a Father who loves me unconditionally (in the truest sense of the word) however unlovable I am. I was reminded that I was created wonderfully by my God and that I remain in His great love.

This is my Father's Love Letter to me.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Listen to the mp3 here.

*FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

Perfect

Today had been a very wonderful day. Got to do a number of things from my 25-itemed to-do list. I am truly blessed. End the day with the following to make my day even better:

Perfect. There is no other way to describe my GodWhispers today but perfect. This is further affirmation of what God had already instilled in me after this morning's confession. Trust Him. Just trust Him.

Thank you Lord for this day. Sobra.

Grief, Greed, and Giving

Pain. I don't like pain. Who does anyway? If I can escape pain in any way possible, I would.

But as much as we try to avoid it, we actually need pain. Pain prevents us from spiritual hypothermia, that which makes us like zombies with no dream, no life, and no direction.

At one point in my life, I think God has thought I was suffering from spiritual hypothermia that He needed to do something major major to wake me up and shake me off my being a zombie.

It was the morning of December 10, 2007. I can still remember vividly the sight of my Tita Lyn lying on the road with her lower extremities smashed into bits. (Morbid as it may seem, but that was exactly how she looked.) She was crossing the street that morning, on her way to work, when a rushing bus counterflowed and hit her. She struggled for her life, but as the witnesses had accounted, the bus driver continued to go back and forth her already crushed body, causing her immediate death.

Tita Lyn and I lived in the same house and shared the same room for 13 years. She was practically the sibling I never had. She was more like my older sister and was my super best friend. She was my constant kakampi and ka-inuman. I was even closer to her than to my mom.

So seeing her die, and in a very devastating way at that, really crushed and destroyed the life in me. When she was still alive, we agreed that we'd grow old together since we were both okay being single and, at that time, really had no plans of marrying. I was ok. I was satisfied. But when she died, she took with her not only that plan but also our travel dreams, our Sunday movie dates, and our buy-one/get-one (she does the buying, and I do the taking) shopping sprees. She left me behind. She left me alone.

I was the worst person after her death. I didn't know such kind of pain existed. And I didn't know I was going to experience it. This pain went on for a year or so. I wore black to signify my GRIEF. I didn't attend Mass. I didn't pray. I was angry at God for taking away Tita Lyn, my security blanket. I was angry that I was left behind with unfulfilled dreams, ended habits, and no one to grow old with. I was just angry and in pain.

During the wake, my inang (grandmother), who was a devout Catholic, said that, yes, she was mourning but she had no anger in her. She readily forgave the bus driver and remained faithful to God. She believed that Tita Lyn was, first and foremost, God's child and not hers alone. My Tita was only lent to her by God to take care of and to love, and at that time, God wanted Tita Lyn back because it was His turn to take care of His child. It was very hard for me to accept that. I wanted Tita for myself. I wanted my older sister back. I don't want to be left alone. It was GREED that overpowered me. And because of that greed, I remained the angry person I was long after she died.

In March 2009, I attended a crossroads retreat. During the retreat, the most explicit message from God came to me in the form of the priest's homily. The priest told the crowd that he had just gone from a tragic vehicular accident, but forgiveness abounded the moment. There, I claimed that it was God's way of telling me not to be enslaved by grief and greed anymore but to let go and move on. It was time to let go of my Tita and of the secure future that we planned together. It was time to finally GIVE her to God and to empty my hands of my security blanket. It was time to GIVE God those unfulfilled dreams and plans that I kept holding onto so He can give me new dreams and plans. It was so painful to finally GIVE her to God because that meant that I have to start anew. But God still saw me through the new life He wanted for me.

Soon after, I started to open myself to other people. I joined different groups and made new friends. I began going to church again. Yes, there was still a little pain, and my eyes would still well up when memories of her suddenly some rushing in. But I realized that I had nowhere to go but to God. Running away from Him was no use because He will just continue to embrace me. Why then should I continue to run away?

Grief, greed, and giving - all these caused me so much pain with Tita Lyn's death, but the pain just woke me up to realize that I can still have my own dreams and my own plans. I can have my own path to follow and my own life to live. And though the future is not crystal clear, no need to worry because God has that covered.

*Grief, greed, and giving are the sources of inner pain, as talked about by Bro. Arun during the FEAST ALABANG last Sunday. FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

Photo source: womensavers.com

Of Hypocrites and Unconditional Love

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but within you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. - Matthew 23:27-28

Had I not known that the passage was written long ago, I would have thought that I was the prime subject of today's Gospel. Much like the scribes and Pharisees at the time of Jesus, I am a hypocrite myself. Some think I am a good person (I don't know why, must be because I attend Feast Alabang*), but I'm NOT. I fall into sin every now and then, and I feel guilty right after. I am not perfect, I am not holy, and I am definitely not saint material (well, not yet).

This fact, though not really acceptable, is the same reason why it amazes me that God still loves me. My being unholy yet still embraced by God is a testament to how unconditional His love is. I am a hypocrite, yet I am still loved by my God. Isn't that amazing?

*FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

Photo source: fineartsamerica.com

Ten Thousand Hours

10 thousand hours. That's what it takes to be the best in any area of your life.

If you want to be the best husband or wife, invest 10 thousand hours on your spouse. Appreciate not only the big things but also the littlest gestures. Be more understanding and less demanding. Express love in different ways. Be your spouse's best friend.

If you want to be the best mom or dad, allot 10 thousand hours for your children. Spend time with them. See them grow up. Listen to their needs. Do not hesitate to show them your love.

If you want to have the best relationship with God, spend 10 thousand hours knowing Him. Just like any other relationship, give time to your God. Listen to His words through prayer and reflection. Know Him deeper by reading the Bible. Live a life that is of service to Him and to His people. Plant seeds in Heaven.

10 thousand hours. That's what it takes to be the best in any area of your life. Your time starts now.


*This is Talk 2 (Give Time) of the T3 Series held at FEAST ALABANG. FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

(Photo source: paper-money.blogspot.com)

Complete

Thank you Lord for Your grace.. Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness and for Your unconditional love.. Thank you Lord for Your saving hand..

Complete

Here I am, Oh God I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now Let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm, I will hold on, Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see, beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

(Photo source: http://blog.usa.gov)

Worship @ Feast Alabang

It was a blast. No, it was far more than that. It was an amazing display of God's grace.

Most of the music ministers had stuggles as the Feast Alabang Anniversary celebration neared. Some had health concerns until the night before the event. Some had personal concerns that also needed attention. And still, some had too much in their hands. But throughout all these, all music ministers, and servants as well, knew that God's grace is sufficient. And indeed, it was.

The worship leaders as they invite the Alabang Feasters to give praise to God

Feast Alabang music ministers

I have recently learned that, when you come to worship the God of all heaven and earth, you need not burden yourself with thoughts of your current situation, however unpleasant they are. You just come into His presence, leave behind everything else, and offer your most sincere praise to the One who deserves it most.

I have been reminded also that worship is not an act that needs a seal of approval. We do not need to be tagged "holy" to worship the Lord because, whether we "deserve" it or not, God is due our praises and songs.

Give our all as we worship the Lord.

Thus, our worries and personal concerns should never be a hindrance in giving our all in praising the Lord.

How about you? How do you praise your God?

*FEAST ALABANG (formerly called the SOUTH FEAST) is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.

(Photo source: Feast Alabang FB page. Add us up!)

Get Up and Enjoy God's Blessings

(Photo source: http://www.hotelemerald.co.jp/)

Life is indeed an eat-all-you-can buffet. You get to pick from a wide array of blessings all laid in front of you. You get to choose what you most desire without worries. You get to enjoy the best of the best blessings God had prepared for you.

But the thing is, in a buffet, before you get to enjoy the sight of a table full of wonderful goodies, you need to get up from your seat first and leave your table. In life, you need to do the same. You need to get up, leave your comfort zone, and traverse the thin line that separates you from your courage zone and, hence, from the blessings awaiting you. And THAT, for me, is the tough part.

For the longest time, I have not been a big fan of risk and drastic change. I forego taking decisions that would make me leave what is familiar and plunge into the unknown. I have dreaded the possibility of not knowing what to do next, of having to endure difficulties and sacrifices, and of leaving "the good life I know." In short, I never choose to get up and leave my comfort zone.

I realized that I have long been stuck sitting by my table and missing out on plates and plates of blessings that I might have enjoyed had I only chosen to get up. Most of us are like that too: just comfortable with where we are and passing up on each new opportunity given to us to make our dreams come true and, thus, letting go of the chance to be a blessing to others.

The most recent change in location of the South Feast* is a fine testament of getting up and choosing the best blessings prepared for us. Everyone knew that a new home for the South Feast would entail a huge sum of money and a ton of effort and time. But everyone knew as well that this would be a great blessing to more people.

Between the hindrance of budget and time constraints and the vision of more people being blessed is the choice to get up and leave the table. The South Feast* family took that choice. And the result: a brand new home we can call our own, one that will be home to more relationships reborn, more lives and businesses blessed, more dreams fulfilled, and more prayers answered.

Now, get up from that seat, and enjoy God's buffet of blessings. (That goes for me too!)

*The SOUTH FEAST, now FEAST ALABANG, is a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus Community (LOJ). It happens every Sunday at the Feast Alabang Center, 2nd floor Festival Mall, Alabang, Muntinlupa City, at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna. LOJ is a Catholic charismatic community led by Bo Sanchez.