Nakokonsensya

(Photo source: http://www.uwsu.com).

This is a long post. Brace yourself.

Yesterday was a day of correction for me (I think!).

Scenario 1: Morning Mass. The priest says "Tanggapin natin pagpapala ng Panginoon" as he always does. I was suddenly struck by this. It was like actually "hearing" what that statement meant.

Scenario 2: South Feast*. The reading was Hebrews 4:16. It went, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." The only words that got to me were "approach with confidence and receive."

"Why all these scenarios?," you say. Well, I think I was being corrected yesterday for not being accepting of the blessings that are given to me.

Last week, I was chatting with Mazel regarding Jennina's donations. The latter was planning to give the kids a bottle of multivitamins EACH. So that's 35 bottles. And I was telling Mazel that I was nakokonsensya. I meant I'd be happy with just 15 to 20 bottles, but 35 was just way over the top. I was nakokonsensya that I'm asking for way too much.

Last Saturday night, I received an email from Ate Lyn, saying that she would be sending X amount to my account as her donation. And my reply was, "ha??? as in X amount??? ate lyn, sobra naman un. masaya na ko sa 500pesos. promise!!! baka wala ka na magastos sa new home mo.. naku naman..."

Last Friday, I received a pledge from Rechelle; she's going to donate all 8 boxes of juice drinks I needed. And I answered, "NO! ang mahal nun! maghati hati na kayo." Imagine someone saying NO to a great blessing. Ang wirdo di ba? Ako lang ang pwedeng maging ganyan ka-weird! I was just amazed and guilt-ridden as to the tremendous generosity that people have been showing me. I feel nakokonsensya because I feel like I'm robbing these people of too much until they assure me that it is OK.

It finally got OK with me, i.e., this great show of support and help, only yesterday. In the two scenarios above, it was like I was being reminded that, "Hey, you asked. So I'm giving it to you." I felt like I was belittling God's power to give. I forgot that I can ask BIG and I can receive BIG. The only problem with me is I ask but I'm NOT ready to receive. I feel like I do not deserve this huge kindness. And then I remembered that, heck, God is just good. Whether I deserve all these blessings or not, God will give and give. Nothing that I do or do not do will ever change His generosity. It is just plain His nature. Ang galing no?

So given that, I will not hesitate receiving anyone's help anymore. I will let God showcase His goodness. That means I am SO ready to receive your donations! hehehehe

*The South Feast, a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus (LOJ) Community, happens every Sunday at Festival Mall Cinema 10 at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna.

Birthday Katripan Update 02

Thank you to my new donors: Kittiekits, Ems, and Drigs, who are my sisters from SOLV, and Laie and Odee, who are my former officemates. They have pledged monetary support and donations for my birthday party.

Thank you also to Jen, my officemate, for donating 35 face towels and mini soap bars for the kids. I will add these to the lootbags. Thank you for keeping up with my being demanding. She asked me last night through SMS, "Do I need to wrap them pa?" And I replied, "Pwede? Para di na ko bibili ng pambalot.hehe" That was how demanding I was, but she was still OK with it. Thanks Jen!

Thanks friends! I will pray for you all. I still promise to offer a Divine Mercy chaplet to you for a month. Pramis yan!

For those who would want to donate to the Sarnelli Center for Street Children, just leave a comment here, and I will get in touch with you. Many thanks!

Birthday Katripan Update 01

I spent Sunday afternoon scouring the racks of Shopwise and SM Hypermarket, canvassing stuff to use for my birthday party. I had a list of things whose prices I need to check, among which are loaf bread; ice cream in tubs and in cups (of which I found none!); sandwich spread; and party cups, plates, and utensils. By the way, I checked all imaginable brands and flavors of juice drink in tetra packs. I definitely forgot that there are brands other than Zesto and flavors other than orange, mango, and grape! Lol.

After the edibles, I went checking different soap and toothpaste brands, and different kinds of rice (I didn't know there was sinandomeng, dinorado, long-grain, etc. whew!). After the party, I plan to donate toiletries and a sack of rice. I figured that they would need these as the Center accepts drop-in street children, who go there just to be fed and washed and after which go back to the streets. I found that to be a little sad, i.e., them going back, but I learned that it is always the child's choice if he/she wants to stay at the Center for good or not. Anyway, I thought the would-be donations would be good.

While listing and listing and listing each and every price, I was asking God to provide me the resources to buy those stuff. I will soon start a begging campaign. Lol. I just have to finalize the list of stuff that I would need.

Many thanks to Ate Karen, who replied immediately to my text last night, when I was asking her for help. She pledged money from her first paycheck this coming 15th. Thanks thanks!

The begging has just begun.

I was already losing hope last Friday night. Ask Mazel at how weird I was, crying at my workstation because I was so afraid I may not be able to pull this off.

Yes. It's official. I am WEIRD. I was crying over the fact that my initial budget would not suffice. I was worrying that I may not get support from friends, even before I had asked them for it. I was doubting that I will be blessed until...

- Leda promised to take care of the name tags and other printables, and to donate pencils for the loot bags;
- Mazel started the begging campaign for me, asking some of our bros and sis from SOLV to donate;
- Ate Lyn emailed me, saying that she will send money to help me;
- Charles, a SOLV bro, pledged help, asking me (through Mazel) my account number;
- Jennina informed me (again, through Mazel) that she may be able to get a couple of medicines for the kids at a discounted price.

And just this afternoon, Ate Ross and Ate Jeng pledged help and showed great support to this cause. Thanks to all of you! As promised, I will pray for each one of you the Divine Mercy chaplet for one whole month. Pramis yan!

To my other friends, wait til I begin begging from you too.hehe

I am scared.

(Photo source: http://www.school-clipart.com)

What the heck did I get myself into? I was asking myself that very question as I was riding a jeepney back to the office early this morning.

At about 10 AM this morning, I met with my friend Schelley at the Baclaran Church, where she serves as lector, to talk with the spiritual director of Sarnelli Center for Street Children. I was to ask permission to celebrate my birthday, which is this January, with the kids that they nurture there. Schelley, knowing almost everyone there and having served the kids often, introduced me to the people that I will be working with on this plan. I met with Kuya Bimbo and the others (I already forgot their names! lol), and I learned that this doesn't usually happen, I mean someone celebrating his/her birthday in the Center. Thus, they were pretty excited about it. They were so excited they were already thinking of getting the whole youth ministry involved with emcee-ing and facilitating the games, booking either the Romano Hall or the courtyard outside the center, talking tables and chairs, among many other things. Whew! All this time, I was just dumbfounded as to how "big" an event this is slowly becoming. And this left me INTIMATED.

There is no other word I can think of right now that can describe how intensely afraid I am that I may not be able to pull this off. By the time, Schelley and I parted ways, I wanted to go back inside the church and make my way toward the altar on my knees. Lol. I was already praying for God to provide for me the money to feed 35 kids ranging from 6 to 15 years old, 4 houseparents, 9 social workers, about 10 youth ministers, my friends, and myself. I was also to provide loot bags for the kids and prizes for the games. And if the budget doesn't allow it, I think I might need to scrap that idea I had of donating to the Center a box full of toiletries, including soap, toothpaste/brush, and other hygiene stuff. You can just imagine the ton of numbers circling inside my head as I did mental calculations during the ride back to the office. I think the math dried out my brain cells to point of wilting! Lol.

Haay. How am I going to do this? I only have a certain amount to spend. Dear Lord, help me raise enough money to get this party going. I just want the kids to have fun just this once and provide for them some of their basic needs. God, ikaw na bahala. We can do this. AJA!