Nakokonsensya

(Photo source: http://www.uwsu.com).

This is a long post. Brace yourself.

Yesterday was a day of correction for me (I think!).

Scenario 1: Morning Mass. The priest says "Tanggapin natin pagpapala ng Panginoon" as he always does. I was suddenly struck by this. It was like actually "hearing" what that statement meant.

Scenario 2: South Feast*. The reading was Hebrews 4:16. It went, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." The only words that got to me were "approach with confidence and receive."

"Why all these scenarios?," you say. Well, I think I was being corrected yesterday for not being accepting of the blessings that are given to me.

Last week, I was chatting with Mazel regarding Jennina's donations. The latter was planning to give the kids a bottle of multivitamins EACH. So that's 35 bottles. And I was telling Mazel that I was nakokonsensya. I meant I'd be happy with just 15 to 20 bottles, but 35 was just way over the top. I was nakokonsensya that I'm asking for way too much.

Last Saturday night, I received an email from Ate Lyn, saying that she would be sending X amount to my account as her donation. And my reply was, "ha??? as in X amount??? ate lyn, sobra naman un. masaya na ko sa 500pesos. promise!!! baka wala ka na magastos sa new home mo.. naku naman..."

Last Friday, I received a pledge from Rechelle; she's going to donate all 8 boxes of juice drinks I needed. And I answered, "NO! ang mahal nun! maghati hati na kayo." Imagine someone saying NO to a great blessing. Ang wirdo di ba? Ako lang ang pwedeng maging ganyan ka-weird! I was just amazed and guilt-ridden as to the tremendous generosity that people have been showing me. I feel nakokonsensya because I feel like I'm robbing these people of too much until they assure me that it is OK.

It finally got OK with me, i.e., this great show of support and help, only yesterday. In the two scenarios above, it was like I was being reminded that, "Hey, you asked. So I'm giving it to you." I felt like I was belittling God's power to give. I forgot that I can ask BIG and I can receive BIG. The only problem with me is I ask but I'm NOT ready to receive. I feel like I do not deserve this huge kindness. And then I remembered that, heck, God is just good. Whether I deserve all these blessings or not, God will give and give. Nothing that I do or do not do will ever change His generosity. It is just plain His nature. Ang galing no?

So given that, I will not hesitate receiving anyone's help anymore. I will let God showcase His goodness. That means I am SO ready to receive your donations! hehehehe

*The South Feast, a weekly gathering of the Light of Jesus (LOJ) Community, happens every Sunday at Festival Mall Cinema 10 at 11am and at 3pm. It is led by Feast Builder/Main Preacher Arun Gogna.