Remembering and Forgetting

(Photo courtesy of sodahead.com)

Yesterday was the second death anniversary of my aunt. Time really flies fast. Has it really been two years?

Right after she died and even a year after, I was extremely depressed. Yes, I would go out with friends. I would laugh, crack jokes, go to the mall, and do all the usual things. But when alone, I was in deep sorrow. I didn't know how to pick myself up. I was just lost. Before she died, I had spent 13 years sharing a room with her, going window-shopping with her, watching movies with her, and doing many other things. She was the sibling I never had. We even had a sorta vow that, if ever I don't get married, we'd be together as we age (she never married). So, her death really was a hard blow on me. I wasn't used to her absence.

Fast forward to now, I am better than when I was in depression mode. I have began widening my network of friends and meeting new people. When she died, I prayed that God would give me new friends that will take her place. God did give me some. Also, I prayed that I may not forget her. I was afraid that, when I turn 30 or 40 or 50, I will forget that I had a Tita once whom I loved dearly. I'm scared that there will come a time when I'd forget the details of my life with her, of our moments together, and of the time that she was a huge part of my life.

Sometimes, I feel guilty when I don't remember her: When she died, all I thought of was her. Now, swamped with work and other activities, I sometimes "forget" her. And then I feel guilty. Though this happens once in a while, I know that she will forever be the closest Tita to me. It's just unfortunate my future kids won't get to know her in person.. =(